STATUS - PECKING ORDER - BEING ONE UP - POWER GAMES
True Friends don't worry about the pecking order.
All of us, at some time or other, worry about status.
Ideally, we should never worry about status.
If we find that we only get one Christmas card, and that we only have one Facebook friend, we should not worry.
If we we are abandoned by our mother and fail to get any qualifications at school, we should not worry.
If we lose our job, our pension, and our wife, we should not worry.
All that matters is that we have a noble soul.
And if we have a noble soul, we have high status.
And if we have a noble soul we don't have to worry about the 'pecking order' or 'being one up'.
And if we have a noble soul we may even start getting Christmas cards from the people who matter most.
Worldly Status has been linked to 'pecking order'.
But remember that Jesus said: He who is last shall be first, and he who is fist shall be last.
An acquaintance with an inferiority complex may try to lower your status, in order to make themselves feel better.
Even members of your own family may try to lower your status.
To lower another person's status:
Talk sarcastically to them.
Make them wait for you.
Tease them.
Laugh at them.
Criticize something they did.
Insult them.
Give them unsolicited advice.
Ignore what they said and talk about something else.
Disregard their opinion.
Status
Reportedly, from the World's point of view, high-status behaviors include:
When walking, assuming that other people will get out of your path.
Interrupting before you know what you are going to say.
Creating the feeling that you are a parent talking to a child.
Speaking authoritatively, with certainty.
Making decisions for a group; taking responsibility.
Evaluating other people's work.
Status
aje.oxfordjournals.org.
Reportedly, low-status behaviors include:
When walking, moving out of other people's path.
Looking away from the other person's eyes.
Beating around the bush when talking about something that will displease the other person.
Shouting as an attempt to intimidate the other person.
Status
If you want to raise another person's status
Ask their opinion about something.
Ask them for advice or help.
Downplay your own achievement in comparison to theirs.
Mention a failure or shortcoming of your own.
Status
Prisoners find ways to manipulate their prison guards, in order to get 'one-up'.
School children find ways to irritate their teachers, in order to compensate for a perceived lack of power.
Reportedly, low-status behaviors include:
When walking, moving out of other people's path.
Looking away from the other person's eyes.
Beating around the bush when talking about something that will displease the other person.
Shouting as an attempt to intimidate the other person.
Status
If you want to raise another person's status
Ask their opinion about something.
Ask them for advice or help.
Downplay your own achievement in comparison to theirs.
Mention a failure or shortcoming of your own.
Status
...
Eric Berne, who wrote about the games people play.
Do your associates and members of your family play 'power games'?
Prisoners find ways to manipulate their prison guards, in order to get 'one-up'.
School children find ways to irritate their teachers, in order to compensate for a perceived lack of power.
Spouses find ways to manipulate the emotions of their partners.
Power games involve the struggle for psychological one-upmanship, often employing passive–aggressive behaviour.
Here are some examples:
1. A husband, wife and their children debate where to go on holiday.
The husband and children opt for the Island City House Hotel in Key West in Florida.
The wife opts for the Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.
He is finding it difficult to locate the 'Sonnenberg Convention Center'.
Power games involve the struggle for psychological one-upmanship, often employing passive–aggressive behaviour.
Here are some examples:
1. A husband, wife and their children debate where to go on holiday.
The husband and children opt for the Island City House Hotel in Key West in Florida.
The family ends up at the Key West Hotel.
The wife feels the need to publicly find fault with everything at the hotel, although secretly she thinks the hotel is superb.
The following year, the wife begs to be taken back to the Key West Hotel.
2. Your boss is driving you to a conference in Zurich.
You point out to him that the building being sought is the red roofed building on the right.
Your boss ignores you and drives around the city for a further twenty minutes, before returning to the street with the red roofed building.
Your boss claims to have found the red roofed 'Sonnenberg Convention Center' due to his own excellent skills.
3. A woman called Ophelia pays her regular visit to her elderly mother.
Ophelia happens to be carrying a travel brochure which she has picked up for her entertainment.
The elederly mother says to Ophelia: "You have not had a holiday for many years. Why don't you take a holiday?"
Before Ophelia can reply, the elderly mother coughs loudly and says: "I am feeling quite faint."
A week later, Ophelia says to her elderly mother: "Would you like me to take you for a little walk?"
The elederly mother replies: "You poor soul, have you no friends to accompany you on a walk."
Dr Max Lüscher, born 1923 in Switzerland, is the Swiss psychotherapist who developed the Luscher Color Test to test moods, feelings and attitudes:
Colorquiz or The Luscher Color Test
Luscher, in his book The 4-Color Person, describes what we may be like, if we are not happy and balanced.
He describes the following types of people:
1. The Good Natured Angel
Good Natured Angels do 'good deeds'.
Photo by Leebobs
2. The Conceited Peacock
The conceited peacock tends to be bossy, stubborn and overrating.
Beneath the arrogance lies stupidity.
Conceited peacocks may suffer from impotence or frigidity.
Sex functions as a means of dominating their mates.
They think they are very conscientious, but often they don't do anything.
3. The Pompous Showoff
The pompous showoff likes the idea of large houses, large cars, and large armies.
They like to impress others.
They will choose their partners for social reasons, to impress society.
When things go wrong, the pompous showoff becomes a Tormented Martyr.
Oliver James
According to someone who worked in a psychiatric hospital:
"Patients had 'events' mostly on days when visited by... 'loving, supportive families'.
"One girl in her twenties, who was before that time a school teacher, climbed the wall when she was told her mother was coming to visit her that day.
"Climbing the wall is an understatement, she became inhuman - not a pretty sight."
Comment by a member of the public on The Genes Don't Fit, by Oliver James, 16/10/2010, New Statesman (Read more)
1. Psychologist Oliver James has analysed the behaviour of George W Bush
"Barbara Bush is described by her closest intimates as prone to 'withering stares' and 'sharply crystalline' retorts.
"She is also extremely tough.
"When he was seven, Bush's younger sister, Robin, died of leukaemia and several independent witnesses say he was very upset by this loss.
"Barbara claims its effect was exaggerated but nobody could accuse her of overreacting: the day after the funeral, she and her husband were on the golf course."
Read more
2. According to UK psychologist Oliver James:
"The closer a nation approximates to the American model ... the greater the rate of mental illness amongst its citizens".
According to Oliver James, Americanism means, for example:
1. Women rejecting the role of the mother.
2. Television corrupting people.
3. Children spending too much time at school.
(OLIVER JAMES INTERVIEWED (2004): If You're Happy and You Know It)
3. Oliver James has written 'How Not to F*** Them Up'.
"Basically I was fucked up by my mother," says Oliver James.
"She had four children under the age of five and found it difficult to cope.
"Often, I was left crying in my pram at the bottom of the garden."
(Oliver James: It's all about you - Profiles, People - The Independent)
4. "Christmas time," explains Oliver James, "is a fixed ritual setting which triggers historic enmities like nothing else.
"The culmination of all these; in the form of present-giving, the pecking order at the table, who does the washing-up, means the shit really hits the fan at this time of year.
"People revert back to being a child without realising it."
To avoid the usual tensions ... Oliver James suggests that we identify what role we occupy in our family, then do the exact opposite.
(Jingle hell: Stories from those who avoid christmas.)
5. Oliver James is in favour of 'love bombing' for children.
He argues that feeling loved is a better remedy than dishing out rules and punishment.
"In fact, feeling loved is far more important for childhood discipline than rule-making and punishment.
"At the heart of the matter is that a sense of being satisfied only comes from having demands met - needy, aggressive behaviour comes from feeling dissatisfied."
(Love bombing kids to get happy results thetelegraph.com.au)
Mone of us are not quite what we seem.
Dr Max Lüscher, born 1923 in Switzerland, is the Swiss psychotherapist who developed the Luscher Color Test to test moods, feelings and attitudes:
Colorquiz or The Luscher Color Test
Luscher, in his book The 4-Color Person, describes what we may be like, if we are not happy and balanced.
He describes the following types of people:
1. The Good Natured Angel
Good Natured Angels do 'good deeds'.
They expect their victims to enslave themselves in eternal gratitude and devotion.
Good Natured Angels often have another side to them.
Good Natured Angels can be Discontented Devils.
Discontented Devils have secret self doubts.
They put aside their own need for intimacy.
Discontented Devils can be agitated, irritable, over-critical, self-pitying, easily exausted loners.
Dissatisfied Devils do not know how to achieve relaxed closeness.
This can be because of a disturbance in their relationships with their mothers.
Dissatisfied Devils don't have the solid foundations of trust and devotion which can ultimately outlast all sensitivities and conflicts.
They seem incapable of being content with their existing partner.
Dissatisfied Devils don't have the solid foundations of trust and devotion which can ultimately outlast all sensitivities and conflicts.
They seem incapable of being content with their existing partner.
The Good Natured Angels who are Discontented Devils need to learn to avoid exaggerated self-sacrifice if they want to find contentment.
The dissatisfied devil needs to learn about relaxed closeness, moderation, and contentment
Photo by Leebobs
2. The Conceited Peacock
The conceited peacock tends to be bossy, stubborn and overrating.
Beneath the arrogance lies stupidity.
Conceited peacocks may suffer from impotence or frigidity.
Sex functions as a means of dominating their mates.
They think they are very conscientious, but often they don't do anything.
The other side to the Conceited Peacock is the mocking Agile Snake.
Agile Snakes have secret self doubts.
They have an inferiority complex.
The Agile Snake may take a lover, in order to be more independent of their wife/husband.
Or because they find their existing partner is not absolutely perfect.
Secretly they yearn for tender and affectionate togetherness.
But they don't want to be dependent on anyone.
The Agile Snakes inferiority complex will disappear as they become more noble and fair.
The Agile Snakes inferiority complex will disappear as they become more noble and fair.
3. The Pompous Showoff
The pompous showoff likes the idea of large houses, large cars, and large armies.
They like to impress others.
They will choose their partners for social reasons, to impress society.
They judge a relationship by its market value.
Tormented martyrs swim in self-pity.
They turn every joy into a duty.
They enjoy being tragic heroes.
Instead of using their abilities, and increasing their self-confidence, they founder in passivity.
When the pompous showoff has some REAL achievements, unrelated to impressing the herd, then they will gain genuine self confidence and not need to be pompous and boasting.
To gain self-confidence, the martyr must stop being passive and instead be ready for peaceful achievement and peaceful challenge.
4. The Expectant Visionary
Expectant visionaries defend themselves against reality by reinterpreting reality.
They are romantics and approach a new mate full of enthusiasm.
However the mate becomes less attractive sexually once he/she becomes a familiar reality for them.
Just when genuine love ought to develop, visionaries lose interest in their mate and look for something new.
Visionaries enjoy travel, in the hope of finding new illusions.
They live for the future, or the past, but cannot live in the present.
They are wishful thinkers.
When Expectant Visionaries become disillusioned, they become Armoured Knights.
The armoured knight supports the military.
The armoured knight seeks safety and security once they have taken a lot of disappointments.
They are filled with distrust. They may be paranoid.
They require order.
They may take up a creed which supports crusades, inquisitions and wars.
They may distrust their mates and be filled with jealousy.
The armoured knight needs to become less pedantic and less compulsive.
The visionaries will lose their restlessness by being more realistic and developing themselves in a happy, free and light-hearted manner.
5. The Balanced Type is:
A. Noble, charitable, flexible, self respecting and fair.
B. Moderate, peace-loving and content.
C. Self confident as a result of his/her achievements.
D. Happy, light-hearted and independent as a result of self development and not clinging to worldly goods.
Expectant visionaries defend themselves against reality by reinterpreting reality.
They are romantics and approach a new mate full of enthusiasm.
However the mate becomes less attractive sexually once he/she becomes a familiar reality for them.
Just when genuine love ought to develop, visionaries lose interest in their mate and look for something new.
Visionaries enjoy travel, in the hope of finding new illusions.
They live for the future, or the past, but cannot live in the present.
They are wishful thinkers.
When Expectant Visionaries become disillusioned, they become Armoured Knights.
The armoured knight supports the military.
The armoured knight seeks safety and security once they have taken a lot of disappointments.
They are filled with distrust. They may be paranoid.
They require order.
They may take up a creed which supports crusades, inquisitions and wars.
They may distrust their mates and be filled with jealousy.
The armoured knight needs to become less pedantic and less compulsive.
The visionaries will lose their restlessness by being more realistic and developing themselves in a happy, free and light-hearted manner.
5. The Balanced Type is:
A. Noble, charitable, flexible, self respecting and fair.
B. Moderate, peace-loving and content.
C. Self confident as a result of his/her achievements.
D. Happy, light-hearted and independent as a result of self development and not clinging to worldly goods.
Oliver James
According to someone who worked in a psychiatric hospital:
"Patients had 'events' mostly on days when visited by... 'loving, supportive families'.
"One girl in her twenties, who was before that time a school teacher, climbed the wall when she was told her mother was coming to visit her that day.
"Climbing the wall is an understatement, she became inhuman - not a pretty sight."
Comment by a member of the public on The Genes Don't Fit, by Oliver James, 16/10/2010, New Statesman (Read more)
1. Psychologist Oliver James has analysed the behaviour of George W Bush
"Barbara Bush is described by her closest intimates as prone to 'withering stares' and 'sharply crystalline' retorts.
"She is also extremely tough.
"When he was seven, Bush's younger sister, Robin, died of leukaemia and several independent witnesses say he was very upset by this loss.
"Barbara claims its effect was exaggerated but nobody could accuse her of overreacting: the day after the funeral, she and her husband were on the golf course."
Read more
2. According to UK psychologist Oliver James:
"The closer a nation approximates to the American model ... the greater the rate of mental illness amongst its citizens".
According to Oliver James, Americanism means, for example:
1. Women rejecting the role of the mother.
2. Television corrupting people.
3. Children spending too much time at school.
(OLIVER JAMES INTERVIEWED (2004): If You're Happy and You Know It)
3. Oliver James has written 'How Not to F*** Them Up'.
"Basically I was fucked up by my mother," says Oliver James.
"She had four children under the age of five and found it difficult to cope.
"Often, I was left crying in my pram at the bottom of the garden."
(Oliver James: It's all about you - Profiles, People - The Independent)
4. "Christmas time," explains Oliver James, "is a fixed ritual setting which triggers historic enmities like nothing else.
"The culmination of all these; in the form of present-giving, the pecking order at the table, who does the washing-up, means the shit really hits the fan at this time of year.
"People revert back to being a child without realising it."
To avoid the usual tensions ... Oliver James suggests that we identify what role we occupy in our family, then do the exact opposite.
(Jingle hell: Stories from those who avoid christmas.)
5. Oliver James is in favour of 'love bombing' for children.
He argues that feeling loved is a better remedy than dishing out rules and punishment.
"In fact, feeling loved is far more important for childhood discipline than rule-making and punishment.
"At the heart of the matter is that a sense of being satisfied only comes from having demands met - needy, aggressive behaviour comes from feeling dissatisfied."
(Love bombing kids to get happy results thetelegraph.com.au)
Labels: being one up, color test, inferiority complex, Luscher, noble soul, Oliver James, pecking order, power games, relaxed closeness, status
posted by Anon @ 02:58
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